Working With Hal

 

I’ve been trying to decide what I wanted to write and what message I wanted to give you. I do know that I want to let you know how much you mean to me. I’ve always known what a nice person you were and that I liked you based on our limited interactions at the Coroner’s office. What I didn’t know, was how fast and how much I would get attached to you. I go through multiple emotions a day ranging from happy, to sad, to angry. I’m extremely happy that I’ve had the chance to get to know you better and have you be a part of my life. There are so many times when I come to work and the stress seems to overcome me but then you get there and just make me smile. But on the days you don’t come in to work, it really upsets me because I know it means you’re having a bad day. It makes me feel so helpless.

There is also a lot that makes me angry. I’m angry that it has to be you, when there are so many others more deserving… And even though I know that sounds horrible and I shouldn’t wish bad things on people, I don’t really care. If I could take this away from you and give it to someone else I would.

The other day my step-son said something about the ice-bucket challenge and when I told him he needed to make a donation if he wanted to do it he had no idea what I was talking about. He didn’t even know it was to raise awareness for ALS, he just thought it was a fun/funny thing to do. I found myself so frustrated with him that I had to leave the room for a minute before I could come back and explain to him what it was all about. And I know that there are so many people out there that think the same thing, they are just participating because it’s fun. It makes me so mad. I know I’m being unreasonable and that this has raised more money for research already in the last few months than last year altogether but I can’t put the anger aside. Maybe I don’t want to let the anger go because then the sadness gets in. I think I’m just better at being angry.

I do want to you know how much I’ve truly come to love you. And if there is ever anything I can do for you I’ll be right there.

Katelynn